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Childlike Faith

One day, when I was little, my dad promised me something (I don’t remember what it was), but he didn’t fulfill his promise. I was so hurt. In my mind, if someone says they will do something, then they are obligated to do it. With tears in my eyes, my dad taught me a lesson that I didn’t begin to understand until recently. With a smile on his face, his explanation for his broken promise was: “A promise is a comfort to a fool.”  My dad likes to joke around, but in that moment, I was not laughing. My childlike innocence caused me to not understand what he said, however, his experienced mind, taught me a much needed lesson. I know you’re probably thinking that after that moment, I never believed anyone’s promises, and have trust issues, but that’s not the case.

My dad was right.

Growing up, I never understood how someone could say something, and not do what they promised. It was so frustrating. I always try my hardest to be genuine, and own up to my words. However, I realized that, I too, have fallen short. What is it about us that causes broken promises, hurtful words, and just being fake? Don’t we dislike when this is done to us? So why would we do it to others?

There’s a common denominator.

In trying to understand this, I learned that we are humans. I’m sure, you’re well aware of that. However, as humans, we love deeply. It’s in our nature. We love, but sometimes we get hurt by individuals who also love deeply, but have been hurt deeply, too. This is no excuse, but it is very real. Some individuals are so guarded that they push others away, just so they don’t have to experience the pain they went through again. I get it. Why does this happen? I wish I could explain that, but I really can’t. Some people burry their issues, rather than addressing it, or are just scared of taking risks.

Hurt, broken promises, lies, and deceit, are all things that we have either experienced, know someone who has experienced it, or even done it ourself. Are we fools for believing promises, like the saying goes? Of course not! Each experience is a lesson that we learn and grow from. Never take it for granted. Honestly, it had purpose. A purpose that you might not understand now, or never understand, but it is part of your beautiful story.

God does not break promises.

“God is not a man, so he does not lie. He is not human, so he does not change his mind. Has he ever spoken and failed to act?  Has he ever promised and not carried it through?” Numbers 23:9

Don’t lose faith in God. Maybe someone has caused you to lose faith in them, but God is faithful. He said in His word that He does not lie. Hold tight to what He has shared with you. If He said it, He will do it.

It’s time to have that childlike faith again.

Stop burying your problems and give them to God. By burying, I mean trying to forget your issues by making yourself busy with things of this world. You might not even realize it, but burying all of that only causes you to hurt yourself, and others. Instead, get in your word, worship, pray, and consume your time with the Lord. The enemy has a way of trying to make you think that because of what man has done to you, that you should lose faith in God. It’s a lie! You just can’t lose faith. But, don’t just take my word for it. Try it out. Trust God with that part of your heart that you have guarded off, or the anger and resentment you have been holding on to. Have that childlike innocence again, trust His promises, and see what happens.

Our hope is not in this world, and definitely not in man. But, when we put our hope in the Lord, our hearts and minds will change. It is then, that we will begin to love and be loved.

Be His Masterpiece.

Love Y’all,

Dee

A Friend in Jesus

I’m going to be very honest with you all. Over the summer, I opened up about my break up and discussed forgiveness. But, what I failed to mention was that forgiveness does not take two seconds and then your life is all better. I thought that’s what the case was going to be, but it was not.

I was still hurt.

After that blog, things were okay, I was friends with my ex and it was working. Then, I began to have terrible dreams that would taunt me, and make me feel so insecure. While I don’t pay much attention to my dreams, they were making me angry. I began to resent him. I was reminded of how much hurt he caused, and I did not want to be friends anymore. While this was never explicitly said, my behavior was representative of that.

What happened?

Yes, I wanted to be friends. I knew I had forgiven him, because us not being together was beyond us. But, I was avoiding the real issue—the void in my heart that I felt he could fill. Even before a relationship, he was my best friend. He played a very important part in my life, and since that all changed, I was left with this empty void. I didn’t know how to fill. I was so confused, and wondered how is that God is working in every area of my life except this one? Not realizing that those areas were truly submitted to Him, but this area was not. This void was so far from God that I didn’t even know how to let Him in.

I became a hot mess.

There were good days, bad days, and days when I just wanted to stay in bed. I would get upset because I would see my ex on social media, and he would look so happy and moved on, while I was sitting my bed crying my eyes out over the loss of our friendship and relationship. My heart was truly broken. We didn’t really talk much, but we still kept in contact, we even met up, and things were fine. Then, I had a bad day. This day was hard. I was so confused, and wondered where everything went wrong. In trying to make sense of everything, I recorded a voice message and sent it to him. This message consisted of a lot of things I can’t even remember, but I know I cried and prayed for him. I woke up the next morning feeling so embarrassed. It was then that I realized I couldn’t do this. Yes, I forgive and acknowledge we were not right for each other, but that was not all that I needed to do.

I had to fill that void with Jesus.

“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed.” Psalm 34:18

I forgave, and believed in my heart that that was all I needed to do to get better. Nope. There was more that needed to be done. I really had to seek God. I had to come off of social media, and begin to focus on the things God needed me to. I had to allow God to be close to my broken heart. He is near to those who are crushed in spirit— He wanted to be close to me. I had to give Him access to this part of my heart that was closed off and use to be filled by my “best friend”, a void I didn’t even know was so closed off from God.

My ex did nothing wrong. In fact, he was very kind and understanding after everything. However, I had to understand that nothing he said or did was going to make me feel better. Being his friend was not going to make me feel better. Yes, I forgive him, and I felt better when I did, but that was just the start, God needed me to draw closer to Him.

After the night I sent that voice message, I realized that there is NOTHING that anybody can say or do to make me feel better. God desires my time, and my whole heart. He wants to fill every void, and have every single part of my life. I failed to realize that a few months ago, even a few days ago. I realized I am still hurting, more than I expected to. Many told me only time will heal, but in all actuality, regardless if twenty years pass, if I don’t allow God into this void and to heal my pain, I will never stop hurting.

I’m trying.

I feel like this has been such a back and forth process. I have been seeking out everyone and everything that I thought would make me feel better, but nothing worked. Part of that was because I made up in my mind what I wanted to do and hear. I was tired of apologizing for my repetitive conversations about this, and I was beginning to feel like no one understood, or cared. None of this was true, but it was really how I felt. Im learning that I just need to trust in God.

I share this because, I wanted to let you know that Forgiveness isn’t the whole antidote to getting through. Yes, you must forgive, but you must also draw closer to God so that He can truly heal. “He heals the brokenhearted and bandages their wounds.” Psalm 147:3

I am learning to trust and seek God on my bad days, good days, and days I don’t want to get out of bed. As we go through this journey together, pray for me, as I pray for you all!

Be His Masterpiece.

Love Y’all,

Dee

Back to School

Today, I had to pack for school. This was nothing new for me because I’ve done this for four years. However, this time I wasn’t excited, but instead very sad. My feeling is something that I realized is very normal. When starting anything new, it’s a very natural feeling. For undergrad, I was so excited because I had such a perfect plan, but you all remember how that worked out. This time, I don’t have a plan, and it’s scary. Even though, I am confident that God is going to work everything out for my good, I became anxious. You might be feeling the same way too. So I figured we could encourage each other.

Here’s my prayer for this upcoming year:

God, I thank you for the opportunity to learn. I thank you for being such a good, good Father, and for the plan you have for each of your children. I pray that as this upcoming school year begins, you will cover your children with your precious blood. God, I pray that all those who are anxious, have fear, or are scared that You will provide comfort to them. God, you have paved the way, and I know that You will not bring us this far just to leave us! When things get rough, please allow us to remember that you are bigger than our problems, exams, and assignments. God, I pray that we encourage all those around us. Let your light shine so that others can see and be drawn to you. God I pray that we will unapologetically live for you, and die to our flesh daily. God, I pray that you encamp your angels around your children, protect us from the plan of the enemy. The devil desires to sift your children as wheat, but you Lord God are our Father, and have good things planned for us. Allow us to know that you have created us, and therefore, we are your masterpiece. Cover the professors, and teachers, and continue to provide the knowledge necessary to teach your children. Cover every single campus, school, and classroom! Please, God, allow us to never forget you! In your mighty name, Jesus Christ, I pray. Amen.

Continue to trust God. I hope you all have a great year, and continue to Be His Masterpiece!

Love Y’all,

Dee

 

 

I Quit

I recently came across a picture on Facebook that said: “Soft and kindhearted people are not fools. They know what people did to them, but they forgive, again and again, because they have beautiful hearts.” I loved this statement because, it describes me. I always felt like people would take advantage of my kindness because they would continuously hurt my feelings. I felt like people looked at me as if I was weak or scared because I would allow so much. To be honest, I even thought the same thing. However, I am beginning to understand how false such thinking is.

Today, I quit my job.

One day, it was a busy at work and my boss was not in a good mood. In hectic situations, I always try to remain calm and do my job the best that I can. However, that day, my best was not good enough. My boss came over, and rudely instructed me that I was not doing the right thing. In that moment I felt so small. I was embarrassed and began to cry, but couldn’t let it show. When I got off from work, I vented and it made me livid. In that moment, I was going to unprofessionally text him to let him know I quit. I was thankfully talked out of doing that, but I was convinced that this was it for me. I had four weeks left to work for the summer, but I planned to write my letter of resignation and go home before my time was up.

I had the letter written, signed, and sealed in an envelope. I ended up not being able to go in that day. A week went by, and I updated the letter, but it still never made it to my boss. You see, in that time, I questioned my motives for wanting to quit. Was it because my boss was rude? Or, because I didn’t stand up for myself? Do you just quit when things don’t go your way? This was the reason for my hesitation. I decided to stay the next few weeks, but to have a different perspective (I encourage you to read one of my best friend’s post on perspective, which gives good insight and help you to look at situations differently). I went to work to do my job, and tried to remain humble. “Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” Galatians 6:9

The next few weeks were rough. There were days I wanted to walk out and not look back. However, I was persistent, and I tried my best to have a positive attitude. Then, it was time to start giving in schedules for the rest of the year. I knew that I did not want to continue, but I had to inform my boss. I got scared. He consistently asked for my schedule, and I consistently hesitated and made up some excuse.

The day came.

I got to work right on time, and it was just the two of us. He asked me, what I decided to do. I took a deep breath and kindly explained that I will not be continuing. I could see the disappointment in his face, but I continued. I explained that this job is not where I want to learn and gain my experience.He began to give me options that would help accommodate me, they were tempting, but I was sure in my decision. He then asked me if I was sure, and I said yes. This was the first time I ever had to do that. It felt amazing. It’s not amazing that I quit my job, and no longer have a main source of income, but what was amazing was, that I made a decision and spoke up. See, if I would have quit when I was hurt and angry, what would that have shown? It would not have shown my boss who I  really am, which is a Christian. It was not my job, to reciprocate anger, which is what quitting in that moment would have done. God sees and all and knows all, and He takes care of His children. “Have I not commanded you? “Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go” Joshua 1:9.

I quit my job, but I quit something more important. I quit thinking that I am weak, and don’t have a voice. I quit thinking that being slow to anger, and slow to speak made me weak (James 1:19).

I wrote a letter to myself a few months ago, and I recently read it again. One part that stuck out to me was when I did some research and reading on meekness.

“For the Lord taketh pleasure in his people: he will beautify the meek with salvation.” Psalm 149:4. The definition of meekness is: “an active and deliberate acceptance of undesirable circumstances that are wisely seen by the individual as only part of a larger picture. The patient and hopeful endurance of undesirable circumstances identifies the person as externally vulnerable and weak, but inwardly resilient and strong. Meekness does not identify the weak, but more precisely the strong who have been placed in a position of weakness where they persevere without giving up.”

I usually am the type of person who likes to plan out everything. I think of every possible thing that could go wrong, and then plan even more according to that. However, the thing that is wrong with that, is it doesn’t give God any room to fulfill His purpose for your life. I was scared that being without a job, meant that everything would go wrong and I needed this job to survive. However, I know that all I need to survive is in God. He has never failed me before, and I am confident that he will not start now.

Don’t be consumed with the idea that your soft spoken voice, or your kindness makes you weak. That is not true. In fact, if you have those qualities, you are very strong! God’s love, grace, and peace that lives within you, cannot be represented with a nasty attitude, and making decisions out of a moment of anger or hurt. Let God be the one who takes care of your problems. I can tell you from experience, He is much better at it than you are. As always, Be His Masterpiece.

Love y’all,

Dee

Perfectionism

While driving on my way to work, I had a few thoughts. Usually, I dread the 15 minute car ride, however, I was at peace because it was raining. I don’t know what it is, but there is such a calm feeling I have when it’s raining. I wondered, why do people absolute dread rainy days? What about them are so bad? Rain can ruin outdoor plans, make your well put together outfit wet and ruined, it can make you uncomfortable, and worst of all, it can ruin your hair, right? The list can go on, but then I realized, that the reason most people probably hate the rain is because its not perfect, or it doesn’t help create a perfect scene.

What does perfect even mean?

One day, one of my co-workers asked a favor of me, and I agreed with no hesitation. She looked at me in shock, and said “wow, you are a really nice person.” I just laughed, but she continued and explained that people wouldn’t do that. This wasn’t the first I’ve heard this. Many friends of mine and people I have encountered have said similar things, and have even gone as far to say that I am perfect. I would always stop them and ask why they said that. Their answers always included a list of things I don’t do, and that’s why I am ‘perfect.’ So, if you just do good things, are you perfect? What is the standard that we follow when identifying perfection? These are all questions I began to ask myself. So I did some research.

I never considered myself perfect. Why? I have made mistakes, done things I am not proud of, there are plenty of things. But, then I asked myself, what makes all those things not okay, or not perfect? I would always think because it would hurt other people, or growing up my parents would reprimand me, or it wasn’t the usual. But, in each of those situations, my lack of perfection was based off of what I’ve seen or what people told me. Don’t get me wrong, our parents and the people around us may have a pretty good idea of what is right and wrong because of experience. However, it is important to realize that the only perfect person on earth, was Jesus Christ. If there is any type of standard to follow, it is Him.

So, as a Christian, what does that mean for us? Is perfection really a thing? The book of James gives us some insight. James 3:2 says: “For if we could control our tongues, we would be perfect and could also control ourselves in every other way.” Why does James say this? When reading and trying to understand, Jesus is well aware of our human characteristics. He knows we struggle with our flesh, which is very weak. However, in this chapter, James explains the importance of wisdom. “If you are wise and understand God’s ways, prove it by living an honorable life, doing good works with the humility that comes from wisdom” James 3:12. So where does this wisdom come from? James 1:5-6 “If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking. But when you ask him, be sure that your faith is in God alone.”

When I read this, I can see how people believe that perfection is just doing good deeds. But, James goes further and says living an honorable life and doing good things come from wisdom, and wisdom comes from God. So what does this all mean? If we belive that Christ is perfect, and He lives within us, then shoudn’t our standard of perfection only be Jesus Christ? Yes! As a Christian our dedication is to be Christ like. We must live a life that is representative of that. How is that done? Just like James described, ask God, and read His word. Ask God for wisdom. When we truly seek God, with a humble heart, He will provide the wisdom!

See, the world’s view of perfection only causes, low self-esteem, pain, hurt, and pressure. God, who has created us in His image (Genesis 1:27), shows that we are perfectly made. But, what is important to understand is that we must seek Him daily, read our word consistently, and strive to be like Him. Paul explains this in Philippians 3:12-15 “I don’t mean to say that I have already achieved these things or that I have already reached perfection. But, I press on to possess that perfection for which Christ Jesus first possessed me.  No, dear brothers and sisters, I have not achieved it, but I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us.”

Gosh, it is absolutely beautiful how the word explains EVERYTHING we question or wonder. Paul explains that he is not perfect, but he is striving to be like Christ, which he does by pursuing Him. Don’t worry about your past, your mistakes, and the idea that you were not good enough. God has created you in His image and all He wants from you is to pursue Him, and He will provide you with ALL that you need.

The rain may ‘ruin’ a lot of things, but if you think about how valuable it is, you begin to appreciate every single drop. It may not seem perfect, but it is a truly a gift from God. You are God’s masterpiece. You are not defined by the idea of perfection of this world, and you are made new in Christ once you have dedicated your life to Him. All you need to do is focus on Christ and allow Him to fulfill the beautiful story He has written for you. Be the masterpiece He created.

Be His Masterpiece

Love Y’all,

Dee

 

 

 

God is Faithful

One night during my junior year, I was sitting on the floor in my dorm room. I was thinking about my life goals, and future career. At the time, I wanted to go to medical school and be a Pediatrician. However, I was really praying and seeking God, and He was beginning to show me things about myself. I began to realize that ministry was going to be a big part of my life. Of course as a Christian, ministry is a big part of our life, but He was showing me how. That night, I can’t even explain the feeling I had, but it was uneasy. I realized that not only did I not want to go to medical school anymore, but that lifestyle was not going to match up with what God was showing me. I began to get scared. However, I trusted God.

That summer, I applied to a research program. By the grace of God, I was accepted to do research at a pharmaceutical lab. While it was difficult at times, I absolutely loved it. It was exciting to not only learn about certain drugs, but to actually do some experiments to see their effects was truly amazing. It was after that experience, that I realized pharmacy is what I want to do. It became clear to me that when God has placed something in your heart, trust that He will not leave you confused and He will order your steps. “Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and he will establish your plans.” Proverbs 16:3

That summer I also went on a tour at a Pharmacy school that I was really interested in. This school was great because it is affiliated with the lab I did research with. I fell in love. This school, was not too big, or too small, and I could see myself there. I began to get excited. My excitement quickly turned to fear when I had to register for the PCAT (Pharmacy College Admissions Test). This exam is a big factor during the admissions process and I had less than three months to prepare. During those three months, school started, and my family was going through a rough time. I did not study. Test day came, and I failed. I thought to myself, I will never get into pharmacy school now. But, through encouragement from family and friends, I persisted. I signed up for the next testing date, which gave me two months to study. I studied a little more, but still did not feel qualified. However, this time I did better, but it was still a score not good enough for almost all pharmacy schools (I’m not exaggerating).

I knew pharmacy is what I wanted to do. With my low PCAT scores, I realized I had to take a different route. I looked up schools that didn’t require it. Perfect idea, right? So, I applied. But, I did not include the school that I initially fell in love with, because I did not feel good enough. I heard back from one school, and I was excited. But, yet deep down my excitement was not because I loved the school, but because a school was actually interested in me. I went for an interview and a tour. I did not like this school. Yet, I masked my true feelings with joy and excitement, and talked myself into thinking this school as perfect, but it wasn’t. I knew which school was right.

Weeks went by and I didn’t hear a thing from the school I had the interview for. I was hurt. I prayed, but I knew what I had to do. I applied to the school I knew I wanted to go to. A few days later, I received a phone call and it was the school I applied to a few days prior! They wanted to interview me. My hands were shaking.

The day of the interview came. I was scared, sweaty, and anxious, but it all felt right. I was given an individual tour, and the staff was amazing. They offered me lunch, a newspaper to read, and when the interviewer was running late, they were so apologetic and tried their best to make me comfortable. I felt so appreciated. The interview was quick, and that scared me. I thought that I didn’t speak enough, and I didn’t convince them of my passion for pharmacy. However, I didn’t lose faith.

Less then a week later, I received a phone call congratulating me on my acceptance to the Doctor of Pharmacy program. I knew it was not me, but it was God. I applied to this school very late, My GPA just met their requirements, and my PCAT was not even close to competitive. So how did I even get accepted? When God has placed a desire in your heart, you don’t have to doubt that He will direct your path. That night in my dorm room, I knew that God was doing something, and I had to trust that. Throughout the whole process, God orchestrated EVERYTHING. It is still mind blowing. “It is not that we think we are qualified to do anything on our own. Our qualification comes from God.” 2 Corinthians 3:5

I wanted to share this testimony with you all, because I wanted to show you just how faithful God is. There were no coincidences. Even when I doubted His plan, and applied to schools that I thought I was more qualified for, I did not even get accepted! Gosh, God has a plan for us, and we don’t even have to worry that He will not follow through. When you don’t feel qualified to do what God has placed in your heart, learn from Jeremiah. “I knew you before I formed you in your mother’s womb. Before you were born I set you apart and appointed you as my prophet to the nations.” “Oh Sovereign Lord,” I said, “I can’t speak for you! I’m too young!” The Lord replied, “Don’t say, ‘I’m too young,’ for you must go wherever I send you and say whatever I tell you.  And don’t be afraid of the people, for I will be with you and will protect you. I, the Lord, have spoken!” Jeremiah 1:5-8. Jeremiah was scared because he didn’t feel qualified. But, God reminded him that he is qualified because He will be with him. Just like God was there for Jeremiah, He will be there for you.

God loves you dearly, and His plan for your life is far better than what you could have ever imagined. Trust Him. I pray that sharing my testimony encourages you to trust Him with your future. I hope to continue to share my journey through pharmacy school, and I’m thinking of even starting a vlog, but I’ll keep you posted! I’d love to hear your testimonies and experiences about God’s faithfulness. Stay encouraged, and continue to Be His Masterpiece.

Love Y’all,

Dee